The Final Diagnosis
"Basically all patients come to psychiatrists with
'one common problem: the sense of helplessness, the
fear and inner conviction of being unable to "cope"
and to change things.'" Dr. Hilde Bruch in "Learning
Psychotherapy".
Hallucination
When the priest hears voices, the penitent
hail him prophet, spread their clothes
for his feet, when I hear voices
they hail me legend, took my clothes
exchange it for the uniform of a penitent-
iary!
Delusion
I'm a Van Gogh who does not
cut off his ear. My "Sunflowers" master
piece:A last supper portrait not graced
by the cord of a Mona Lisa
smile, hybrid colours and mutant lines.
Like Van Gogh I have a butterfly
mind, flitting, fragile, yet most beautiful
when set against the backdrop of a "Starry
Night".
Paranoia
I am fearful of some things, the woman
who is a shadow of her cosmetics, the man
who has two shadows, the Pandora box
of my cupboard where the skeleton of my
hope is kept, the mannequins who spy on me
through the binoculars of the glass window.
I'm glad I do not have claustrophobia,
agoraphobia, acrophobia.
Investigations
Temperature chart:x-----x-----x-----x
the secret places of buried treasures
I go to each day on the tightrope
of a fevered mind. EEG: The runes shamans
inscribe in my file to tag the demons
they cannot exorcise. Laboratory Reports: Names
borrowed from a terrorist manifesto, numbers thrown
up by the Russian Roulette. All these cannot
diagnose mental illness, only the doctor can
and he wears a stethoscope he does not
listen with.
Diagnosis
They say I am 'schizophrenic', I think 'life
is a skit, the soul frenetic', yes, I believe
that's the final diagnosis.
56 comments:
The picture is a Paper Batik Montage, September 06. This picture and poem is dedicated to our very good friends,Tay Ahchay and his wife...also Thomas and Jenny,I believe you will not know about this other than from a third party!Agape!
You have expressed this well, Dr. Ng! How good it is to see work on the internet that is not trite. You are doing something very important with your poetry and art.
Another great work of art. What a diagnosis. ;-)
The picture is stunning, as are your works. The words are unbelievably touching, with so many lines I could pull out. Bht the one that leaps off the page for me is "the doctor can
and he wears a stethoscope he does not
listen with." I think there is a message for us all in this line.
Thank you for your heart, for what flows through you, for your words, for your art, for YOU.
All lives are skits of frenzied overlapped experience. Perhaps the schizophrenic feels or hears too much - like echos and emotions trapped in one soul. The mind cannot bear it.
Hello dear Kianseng
Wonderful painting – I was really itching to scrutinize “enlarged” version… just to find a “thumbnail”, bummer! Absolutely beautiful – I aspire to this rich, lovely level - one day. :)
Another compassionate and poignant entry. So very kind of you.
I read it earlier and felt I needed to return and pass some information on to you.
I hope you don’t mind me having taken the liberty to “run away” with this topic.
Also hope you find it useful to share, in the event you have not already heard of Dr. Dan Fisher, MD PhD.
Diagnosed with schizophrenia quiet early on, he went on to become a Chemist, and later a Psychiatrist.
You might like to visit www.power2u.org .
I admire him and his work. Had the opportunity to meet him and take a day long workshop with him in Vancouver about three years ago. A wonderful human being.
While I had dinner, thoughts about it kept on coming to me, such as a quote that I share without fail in a couple of my workshops (mental health oriented), which always elicits a repeat and note taking, following nods all around the room. “…schizophrenia is the misalignment of the personality and the soul.” as stated by (Physicist) Gary Sukav, in his book The Seat of the Soul.
I would go as far as to state, that the “misalignment of the personality and the soul” is responsible for a great deal of the mental illness in our midst.
Warm wishes of love and joy to you and your loved ones
Excellent exploration of the human mind: involving and disturbing becayse it sounds so true.
Oh wow, can't believe that we are the first to leave a comment! Love the pic! I'm sure the Tay & Tang family will enjoy this post dedicated to them.
Love All in Glasgow
Thanks everybody! Aurora, where is your next post?Masago, Serenity, C, Paula...thanks for your encouragement!Mimi, you are not the first, the others were not published! Angeldust, you are amazing, you are not just a right brain person but a very holistic one and your knowledge of psychiatry is probably deeper than mine...!!
Plus Ultra
More astonishing words. I am very moved by these schizophrenia poems and images. Thank you for sharing them with us.
kami
Plus Ultra
More astonishing and powerful words. I am very moved by the schizophrenia poems and images. Thank you for sharing them.
"I am fearful of some things, the woman
who is a shadow of her cosmetics, the man
who has two shadows, the Pandora box
of my cupboard where the skeleton of my
hope is kept, the mannequins who spy on me
through the binoculars of the glass window."
This really was quite eerie to read, and that is because you use such descriptive and original language. Excellent, and how it end the poem to is wonderful. And how describe a butterfly mind. We embrace those with unusual qualities.
I enjoyed this poem even more than the last one I read. Keep writing :-)
Powerful! You are so able to put reality in your poetry. It's a pleasure to read them. (even when they aren't ment to be light)
And what a diagnosis that!! beautiful, insightful talk of the depths of the mind and all the twisted realms in between!! Samshing write and a fantabulous picture!! i cud get lost in it already!!
would love to be linked to your blog! thank you :)
It has been very 'difficult' and energy sapping writing these two poems on Schizophrenia and I hope our understanding of this disease is enhanced by these verses...and we will treat them as we treat others who may have diabetes or hypertension, or epilepsy, or asthma...I need to change to a more joyful topic!!!!!Perhaps something on Love!!!!
you handle difficult topics in a beautiful way! thank you for another excellent poem on schizophrenia.
Now that would be something to look forward to! coming from your masterful weave :)
...and we will treat them as we treat others who may have diabetes or hypertension, or epilepsy, or asthma...
In North America "Metal Illness" (don't like the terminology) is still a rather taboo subject. The focus "appears to be entirely on cancer" which, in my humble opinion, has reached highly neurotic levels... yet, as I commented earlier MI is the leading “disease” affecting 10% of the global population and (just as neurotically) we pretend it does not affect us nor anyone we know!
Yes, PlusUltra, do write about love.
It does heal almost, almost all!
Warm wishes of love and joy to you and your loved ones
Kami, thank you.Yes, Shahin, we need to embrace those who have beautiful minds, please read Angeldust's comments.Thanks Andrew, I believe Mental illness will be medicine's last frontier. Bafna, go ahead and link, I consider that a honour...Thank you Polona.Angel thanks again, your comments are just as important(if not more) than the poem!
Dear Plus Ultra
This really is marvellous. I repeat myself you are a god sent doctor for you can understand the pain of everyone.
The poem is great..I really have no more words.
Thanks for being yourself
ddd, thanks so much...I am sure I do not deserve the description 'god sent', but now that I am here I must try to understand the pain that others feel so that I can minister to them with love, respect and bring healing to the spirit....
You have a gentle and caring heart, and your work reflects that very well!! Always a pleasure to come here and see your new creations!!
tnxx for dropping by mate.
I think we r all patients of some mental illness. Just that only some ppl get diagnosed :)
Keshi.
This is wonderful... as always!
Thank you!
You have such an amazing talent!
All the world's a stage and we're but frenetic actors on it!
Thank you, PlusUltra
I am just rallying around you - there is strenght in numbers!
Much lole for youi and all
Fascinating! 'Seeking Asylum'. 'The Final Diagnosis.' Isn't life like that. When the final diagnosis is reached, the asylum is found. Or, as Rumi, the great Persian classical poet says: 'When inner meaning is reached, peace descends…' I’m dealing with this theme in my today’s haiku on my new blog – A Metaphysical Clown, although in a far more light-hearted way!:)
keshi, how right you are, we do not admit it, we differ not in type but only in degree, after all we are descendents of the same Adam afflicted with the same disease...I am glad my poem can trigger thoughts such as this, thanks a lot, keshi!
ah, the mind. the final frontier and what a complex subject the mind is, ruled, as it so often seems, by the 'heart'.
you manage to reveal so much by saying so little. almost with a surgical clarity. fascinating. i also love the little 'paintings' that decorate your site.
thanks for calling in on me by the way.
Loved reading the poem but more the idea of it
Your art is always so beautiful and your writing is so deep!
Jon, is the photo a recent one? And how old are you? I thought you are much older....they say creativity is greatest when we are young and in the process of growing old we lose some of it but not Russell..check out his latest!
oh oh- glad I found your blog...thank for visiting mine, and sure you can link!
will be back to go through your archives soon- some of it is right up my street- I have some similar subjects in April archives I think.
great stuff
especially liked the diagnosis
thank you
cj, is your pen name meant to shock? Well, I was (pleasantly) with the beautiful blog you have, and your postings are to be read and digested, not smoked!
an amazing write. glad I came by for a read this morning. and thank you for stopping by my blog. I'll be sure to link you (and yes, I would be flattered if you'd link my blog as well). thank you.
Its a soothing and lovely diagnosis...
A beautiful painting makes it revering...
Love the pic. Will read the writing a little later when I have a sec. Thanks for visiting my blog, and you can definitley add my link.
Best,
ep
Love the pic. Will read the writing a little later when I have a sec. Thanks for visiting my blog, and you can definitley add my link.
Best,
ep
Dr Ng your sensitivity to your patient's pain is amazing!!
the picture is beautiful and your poem so profound!!
I have to be honest here and say that mental illness makes me nervous, and being around people who do unexpected and sometimes anti social things makes me nervous too.
I don't know what that says about me? I don't think I'm a bad person, but I feel uncomfortable when people say things to me that are inappropriate or don't make sense. Some people seem to be really great at handling those moments and always say something soothing and handle it appropriately ... but I never have a clue what to say ...
I try to make myself invisible so they won't talk to me, but they always seem to home right in on me.
I'm still waiting for your next poem! :)
Andrew has the baby come? Share the good news with a new poem! Burning Moon, perhaps it is because they instinctively know you have a good heart and it requires more than just a good heart to confess what you just confessed!....I just feel not too happy to leave the poems Seeking Asylum and The Final Daignosis rather open-ended and with the feeling that I have not brought them to some sort of more optimistic ending...with hope that there is always more beyond...and the muse is just compelling me to go back and bring some finality to the poems, perhaps the third of another trilogy!!!! Ah, there goes my week-end of quiet!!!!!!
Beatiful and deep. Love the way you think.
I think then we all must be schizophrenic.
Thanks, Natalie, any new posts, the last I check there was none..Ya Pecos Blue I think so too!But it takes a lot of encourage to confess that!!!And maybe we are considered 'sane' because of that!!!I like your blog......
I'm a Van Gogh who does not
cut off his ear. My "Sunflowers" master
piece:A last supper portrait not graced
by the cord of a Mona Lisa
smile, hybrid colours and mutant lines
the entire piece is absoultely amazing but this is my favorite part. your writings intrigue me and yes feel free to link me if you'd like.
hi plus,
a powerful piece of work, must be energy-sapping.
my favourite is "Investigations". It makes me smile, but at the same time so chillingly real.
Thanks for the encouragement..love ur stuff too..will keep coming back.. :)
Sorry, PlusUltra dear, BUT I feel I must comment on
burningmoon's statement.
Please…, the misconceptions are sooooo many and the silence regarding the topic so great…
Firstly, anti-social, rude, violent, inappropriate behavior are not the exclusive domain of those with affected mental illness as, contrary to popular belief and continued myth propagation, the fact is that only 3% of this particular group are violent equaling those of the rest of the community.
I haven't got statistics for lack of manners, compassion and basic respect but, I strongly suspect it runs just a bout the same - again - as these are a matter of family and community culture as well as, after a certain age, personal choice.
Some of our most brilliant/genius people at present and throughout history have been “touched” by “Mental Illness”
I have a comprehensive list of names I am more than willing to share with you PlusUltra and others as soon as I figure out how to use my newly acquired scanner…
Countless great contributions to humanity in every imaginable area have been born in a so called “mentally ill” mind.
(If someone does not know how to respond, a kind smile goes a long way....)
PlusUltra dear,
To something more pleasant now.
Thank you for responding to my email.
As you will see :), I could not resist immediately crumpling-up paper and “throwing” paint at it…
The rice paper will have to wait, as I only located some (by phone) in Vancouver, where I am scheduled to go in the next week or so; will also check it out in China Town, as prices might be more reasonable.
This adventure is getting reeeeally exiting.
It never occurred to me to crumple paper (brilliant!) as I have applied technique to age images I used antiquing furniture.
Thank you for the “little pushes” you afflict on me.
Love and joy to you and your loved ones
Angeldust, one of my friends said, "It is interesintg to read the comments in your blog, they, (especially those of Angeldust) seem to add to your poems, makes it all rather educational not just inspiring and edifying!" Yes Angeldust, "crumple" and not what I (silly me,must be writers block) said ...crumble!
Oh... PlusUltra, crumble?
I didn't notice!
lol!
Thank God I do my own thing. :)
Spent the day trying things out and "reworking the bombs" - interesting results...
I also read other people's comments that are part of this "dialogue" of ours.
It is amazing what I have learned from fellow bloggers.
I am truly moved and appreciative of being able to contribute in some manner towards a better understanding of each other, in a world that feels people are becoming increasingly disconnected from one another.
At least here in North America.
(thank you - it is good day then)
The painting is as engaging as ever, the diagnosis - an interesting read indeed...
Like M.Shahin, I took special notice of "Paranoia" and most enjoyed the imagery there. Especially these:
the man who has two shadows
the mannequins who spy on me
through the binoculars of the glass window
Sent a chill up my spine. The silent, crawling kind. ^_^
Loved the ingenious wordplay in the ending, "Diagnosis." Cheers.
Thanks soulless, I am glad you caught the ending, it was a play on words (and the sounds) but it as also the other daignosis, the final diagnosis of what life is!And that is my final comment, tomorrow I will move on to the closure of this series on the mentally "ill",and then I will move tosomething other that medicine!Thanks for bearing with me.....
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